Producer's Prologue: Thanks all for your interest in this year's student skit. As the producer of this year's skit, I was pleased to have worked with such a great group. Thanks to everyone who helped out, including our directors (Becky Adams, Jim Benedict, Elinor Martin, and Luke Van Roekel), our actors (Becca Mazur, Adrian Loftus, Grant Firl, Russ Schumacher, Phil Klotzbach, Dave Stokowski, and all the extras), and our idea and writing crew (Todd Ellis, Phil Klotzbach, Matt Rogers, and lots of others).
What follows below is the basic script for the live portion of the skit, along with the downloads of the music videos. Right-click the links to save them to your own computer, or regular click them to have your computer load them up for temporary viewing. The videos are copyright 2006 by their creators, so please do not re-distribute them or use them in unacceptable ways. Remember that these were made lovingly by their creators with a lot of time, sweat, and computing power. The videos are all in QuickTime .mov format, so QuickTime is required for viewing.
Thanks again for your interest, and we hope that these videos entertained all. On with the show!
-Wesley Terwey
Yo yo yo! Dickie D is in the hizz-ouse and you are tuned in to the Meteorology TV Music Video Awards. We are gonna rock this joint tonight as we celebrate the best music videos of the past year. And you will get to choose among the best of the best this year's winner of the coveted Golden Beer Bottle as this year's Awesomest Song in the Universe.
Tonight we will run down the top nominees in each of four categories: Rock/Alternative, Rap, Country, Pop. The winners have been selected by 4 chimpanzees backstage based on who could eat the most bananas in 30 seconds. After you get to watch the winners, you will get to vote on the best of the best. In order to ensure fairness, and potentially allow us to rig the results, the vote will be certified by the Florida Election Commission. In the event of a tie, the chimps will decide the outcome through a no-holds barred feces flinging contest.
So are you ready to rock?
I said - Are you ready to rock?!
Then let's rock into our first category - the Best Rock/Alternative Music Video.
Nominees include:
And the Music Video Award goes to - Tenacious Dave T and Losing My Position!
Shizzle my nizzle, it's time to get down with the rhythm and rhyme and hear our nominees for the Best Rap Music Video. The nominees are:
And the MTV MVA goes to Dave R. and The Bugsy Boys with Sabotage!
Well yee-haw, it's time to rastle us up some hosses and lasso us up this year's nominees for Best Country Music Video. They include:
And winner for best Country Music Video is Cardboard and Tom with The Anchor.
And now it's time for a word from our sponsors:
Live Commercial #1 - Power Health Drink (Ph.D.) X-3000
Scene: A classroom, with a professor writing with back to class, several students in various stages of catatonia.
Cast: Professor (Adrian Loftus), Student (Todd Ellis), Voiceover (Wes Terwey), Extra Students
Professor: (at white board with back to class, in a monotone voice) And so, if we integrate over all possible permutations of the model dynamics, we would obtain an ensemble of all possible outcomes...
Voiceover: Are you a graduate student looking for a little extra pep after 15 weeks of classes, research, and whatever passes for a life? Well look no more! Introducing Power Health Drink X-3000!! From the makers of Tang comes a product guaranteed to turn 5 years of misery and pain into the most productive 45 minutes of your life!
PhD X-3000 contains all synthetic ingredients that you can't buy in stores, including the mysterious Ingredient X-3000, recently approved by the FDA (after each member received all-expenses paid trips to the South Pacific). Just mix with a can of Red Bull and 2 shots of Vodka and Look Out Loretta!
(Student acts like they are mixing drink, then drinks...)
Student: Freeeee-ow!!! (or some other primal scream. Student proceeds to start frantically writing/typing for a few seconds, then runs off stage, around the room, picks up a stack of papers in back, then runs back into the class and runs up to the professor (who is still droning on) and taps her/him on the shoulder)
Professor: (startled) What is the meaning of this? This work here is very important to your career.
Student: (as fast as he can while remaining clear) Yeah yeah. Here is my term paper for this semester, my master's thesis on finding the drop-size distribution of any cloud using only a balloon, some duct tape, and a prairie dog, my Ph.D. dissertation on how to invert PV to find that hurricane intensity is a function of Corn in Nebraska, an algorithm for using CloudSat and RAMS to find Osama bin Laden, and I solved that pesky Global Warming thing too - simple really - if we turn Ohio and Florida into giant swamps, they'll just absorb all the CO2. No one will miss them really, and we won't ever have to worry about those annoying voting irregularities...
Professor: Wha? How? When...
Student: See ya later, Doc. Time to get my Nobel Prize.... (student collapses in heap)
Voiceover: Possible side effects include headache, nausea, indigestion, dry mouth, and massive heart attacks. Bursts of marital prowess lasting more than four hours should be reported to the local news media purely for comedic value - enjoy it while it lasts.
So kiss Grad School good bye! Get your hands on your Ph.D. and buy Power Health Drink X-3000 today!
Welcome Back to the 2006 MTV Music Video Awards, and I'm your host Dickie D. On with the show.
Our Next award is a special lifetime achievement award. It is given to a dude who has given it up for what seems like centuries. A master of many skizzils, including modeling, gliding, biking, and of course ROCKIN DA HOUSE! I speak of none other than Bill Cotton. Under the pseudonym of Billio, he topped the charts with the Gangsta Rap Phenomenon, Modela's Paradise. As Buff Daddy, he laid down the rhythm with OPM (Other People's Models). And who could forget his Menudo phase as M.C. Billy and his all time hit It's RAMS.
He couldn't be with us tonight, and so we honor him with his signature piece, translated into 700 languages and seen nightly on every major network channel after 1 a.m. His infomercial Sweatin' to the Weather.
Back to the awards. This next group needs no introduction. Turn on any Top 40 station.... and you won't hear these songs. And if you've heard them, you'll know why.
Nominees for the category of Best Pop Music Video are:
And the winner of the MVA is The Wayne Schubert Orchestra and Under Pressure!
So there you have it, the four best songs up for the award of Awesomest Song in the Universe.
The finalists are:
Assistants are standing by with your ballots - simply mark your choice and hand it off. We'll have the chimps backstage start counting the ballots, and the results after this commercial message...
Commercial #2 - Lime Life Platinum Collection of Song Poetry
Voiceover: When two hearts collide, romance fills the air and love is kindled, and when the moment has arrived, do you know the words that will open the door to her heart? Well, what better way to get there than through the moving images and emotions of... Song Poetry!
Introducing... the Lime Life Platinum Collection of Song Poetry. This timeless collection features the best in song poetry, including "Enter Sandman"...
Reciter:
Say your prayers little one
Don't forget, my son
To include everyone
Tuck you in, warm within
Keep you free from sin
Till the sandman he comes
Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land
Voiceover: "Runaround" by Blues Traveler...
Reciter:
Once upon a midnight dreary
I woke with something in my head
I couldn't escape the memory
Of a phone call and of what you said
Like a game show contestant with a parting gift
I could not believe my eyes
When I saw through the voice of a trusted friend
Who needs to humor me and tell me lies
Yeah humor me and tell me lies
Voiceover: ...and the ever-popular "Ice Ice Baby"...
Reciter:
Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in and the vegas are pumpin'
Quick to the point to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning them if you ain't quick and nimble
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
And a hi-hat with a souped up tempo
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo
Rollin' in my 5.0
With my rag-top down so my hair can blow
The girlies on standby waving just to say hi
Did you stop no I just drove by...
Voiceover: All this and 500 more of the best song poetry in history are waiting for you on this 50 CD boxed set for 3 easy payments of $9.99 plus $200 shipping and handling. But wait there's more! Order in the next 10 minutes and you'll receive this bonus DVD of Robert Goulet performing every song from his mother's basement (picture of Robert Goulet appears on screen).
Highly trained phone technicians are comfortably seated waiting for your call. So what are you waiting for, call today!
Welcome back to the MTV Music Video Awards.
While the Florida Election Commission is busy rigging and then certifying the results (no hanging chads here), I would like to take this moment to make a personal announcement. After 4 years of hosting everything from game shows to movies, tonight will be the last show for Dick Dawson. I've had a lot of fun, a lot of laughs (both planned and not), and even one stint as Emcee. It's time to pass the torch on however, and Dick Dawson will be sitting back with his flask rooting for the next wave of new "actors" to succeed and push the boundaries of good clean inside jokes and fun.
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for - the winner of the coveted Golden Beer Bottle for Awesomest Video in the Universe is The Wayne Schubert Orchestra for Under Pressure!
Please come accept this beautiful trophy.
(Impromptu speech by winner.)
This is Dickie D reminding you to drive safe, drink safer, and always spay or neuter your children... I mean pets.
Good night and good luck.
Producer's Note: The actual winner was Sabotage, but since Dr. Randall was not in attendance, we chose the next in line to give the prize to someone who would actually be there to give an acceptance speech on the spot.
All copyrighted works (e.g. the lyrics used in Commercial 2) are still copyrighted to their respective owners. This script, copyright 2006 by Todd Ellis and Wes Terwey. The videos copyright 2006, by their official directors.